What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 09:05
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Genetic and biological clues point to inflammation’s role in mental health - PsyPost
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
5-Day Workout Plan That Melts Belly Fat for Men Over 50, Trainer Says - Eat This Not That
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What's an underrated/unknown novel or series that you think deserves more attention?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Backstage Report On WWE Raw Talent Being Discussed For Worlds Collide Appearance - Wrestling Inc.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Discover Why These 2025 Milky Way Photos Are Shaking the Astrophotography World - The Daily Galaxy
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I write beautiful poetry .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
'Club World Ca$h Grab': Players don protest shirts at pregame - Sounder at Heart
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What was Easter day like for you as a child?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
When she asked me how she looked .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why did my ex replace me so fast?
She wouldn,t have been !
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why do narcissists keep calling on the phone after years of separation?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She married twice! .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Would this be the day?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What did i know ?
One cannot live in the past .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why did i forgive my father ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I waited trembling.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ive learnt so much.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He knew the spot.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Was to survive, this bastard.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We were not on the streets..
She was in good health!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But ive been too sick for many years..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My family never makes their pension either.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I will be 64.
I was 9 years of age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i lived it daily.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was scared of men, in general
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So whats the point in blame.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is soul school!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
All the time i was locked up.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She found it foreign!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I could never make a relationship work though!
But, we were locked up after school.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Who then, do I blame.?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I said to her
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So, i spoilt her more .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Comes on , in middle age.
I think the readers, may guess!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was seconnd youngest,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I don,t even have a pension.
He resisted the act ,that day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She loved him until the end.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But it wasn’t much.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had hoped to write a book about this .